from Naomi:

Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow, in the words of the Prophet Isaiah. But we are inwardly too attached to our chains, we don't really want to give them up, whatever we say, for they are at the core of our identity. Without this addiction, without this anger at this person, without this shame or guilt or psychic sore I keep gnawing at inwardly, who would I be? Would I really be I? It is not easy to give up the self I have known myself to be for so many years, however bright the alternative. - Robert Ellwood

from me:

Why is it that it's so hard to forgive ourselves? Ellwood makes an interesting point, that we become attached to our self-condemnation, to the point where we make it part of our identity. Even when the person we hurt has forgiven and forgotten, we don't let ourselves off the hook. We think about what made us do what we did, and what that must "mean" about us as a person. At the end of the day, it means whatever you allow it to mean. So, from the same transgression, one person can acknowledge their mistake, learn from it, and move on, while another person makes it mean that they are an inherently flawed person who can't but disappoint the people who trust them. There is such freedom in leaving the past in the past.

Let me share a great anecdote about this very idea.

After a late night, going out, one of my friends was more than a little inebriated. We all took cabs to my apartment, and somehow my inebriated friend managed to get himself lost somewhere between the cab and the entrance to my building. We were all preoccupied with getting something to eat, so my inebriated friend must have gone off on his own while we were discussing where to get food. It took us almost two hours and many search parties to find him. We weren't angry, but rather, concerned. Of course, we couldn't talk to him about it that night. Much later the next day, I had the following conversation with him:

Kris: Dude, you had us worried there, roaming the streets by yourself and in your condition.
Friend: Uh huh.
Kris: That's it? We were all concerned about you.
Friend: [smirking] It's nice to know I have such caring friends.

That was it. He made me laugh, and I had nothing else to say. What a way to go through life! Had I been him, I would have been so upset about having worried my friends, and about having been an inconvenience to everyone. I knew my friend realized that he had been irresponsible. He was certain we knew that he hadn't meant to cause the preceding night's "adventure". He thanked us for taking care of him, and that was that. He left the past in the past so that he could live and be happy in the here and now. I was inspired by his attitude, and how he was able to move on after a mistake.