Unconditional Love

Marley was undeniably a handful. He was nothing like the stately dogs both of us had grown up with. He had a host of bad habits and behaviors. Guilty as charged. He also had come a great distance from the spastic puppy we had brought home two years earlier. In his own flawed way, he was trying. Part of our journey as his owners was to mold him to our needs, but part also was to accept him for what he was. Not just to accept him, but to celebrate him and his indomitable canine spirit. We had brought into our home a living, breathing being, not a fashion accessory to prop in the corner. For better or worse, he was our dog. He was a part of our family, and, for all his flaws, he had returned our affection one hundredfold. Devotion such as his could not be bought for any price. - John Grogan, Marley & Me, p. 142

I am moved by the compassion that this man felt for his dog, but I also feel dejected because I see how much I have to learn about loving without condition, without stipulation. I feel like my take on relationships is very "transactional". I'm always considering what the other person has to offer - be it an attentive ear, entertaining company, or prestige by association. I'm not actually consciously thinking these thoughts each time I meet someone new, but the thoughts are there, albeit buried deep down somewhere.

I'll always remember a conversation I had with a girl I dated in high school. She tried to explain to me how she was sure she loved the people she did unconditionally. I didn't buy her explanation and I tried to point out that there's always something in it for yourself when you invest in someone else, if you're just honest with yourself and willing to really consider your deepest motivations. Over the years, I think I've discovered that my take on love is colored by the way I am and that makes me sad. It's hard for me to admit that I didn't allow myself to believe in the validity of other people's loves when I had never felt that same emotion (or is it devotion?) myself. Realizing that now, I want to learn to love without having that love centered on myself. How? Is that even something you can learn?