Something I've been thinking about:
Sometimes you need someone else to see the strength in you before you can see it for yourself.
We have an obligation to help the people we care about appreciate, as we do, their unique talents. All too often, people dismiss as frivolous the gifts that they have been given. For example, I have a friend who is an amazing listener. I try to make it a point to tell him, every once in a while, how much I appreciate being able to confide in him. Each time, he shrugs off my praise, stating that anyone would do the same for a friend. He's wrong though. Being able to really listen to someone is a gift and it's important that he realize that. And the responsibility of conveying that truth falls upon his friends, the very people who are the beneficiaries of his time and attention.
posted by Kris @ 12:43 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you for the encouragement on the development of my new blog. I will be sure to let you know about God is the Gospel as I continue to read it.
Also, I agree with you in the fact that listening is by far one of the greatest attributes of a friend. It signifies strength, trust, and humility. It also demonstrates his keen ability to serve those around him when he shrugs it off as natural. I wish I had that kind of modesty.
However, C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters of a similar situation when Wormwood's "patient" was becoming more of a humble servant to others. The tempter Screwtape gave the advice to his apprentice demon nephew that the best way to undermine his patient's new found virture is to point that out to him, thus giving him a sense of pride formed out of his own humility. (Letter 14)
I am not saying that to not encourage your friend is better than to encourage him. I am saying that sometimes, making someone aware of their virtues can become a stumbling block, even a falling point for that person. I have found this to be true both in my life and that of the people around me. My roommate has an overwhelming "habit" shall we say , of being helpful when it comes to fixing things. The guy is a jack of all trades. He was fine, just doing what he was good at, fixing things for others who couldn't do it themselves. He asked for nothing in return, and usually did a really good job, because they were his friends. One day someone told him, "You know, you are really helpful, all I ever see you do is help people."
That was all it took for him to begin thinking that people were just using him because he was cheap and easy to convince. He began to hate himself for it, thinking he was a fool for not seeking any type of compensation for the time he spent helping others when there were things he could have been doing instead.
I guess what I am saying is this: if your friend wishes to shrug off your praise, it doesn't mean that it doesn't go unappreciated, it probably is his way of not letting it go to his head. I think the best way to show gratitude and appreciation for your friend's talent is to return it in kind. Thats what friends do.
I know this may send some mixed messages, I have a terrible habit of playing both sides. I hope it doesn't.
Again I appreciate your encouragement. I'll try to stay up to date. God Bless!
You make a very good point. It actually reminds me of the very end of Devil's Advocate, where Satan (Al Pacino) says, "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin."
There is a fine line between being aware of the areas you're gifted in and being proud. I'm sorry to hear that your roommate began to feel that he was being taken advantage of. We've all been there. I guess, as Christians, the only way to avoid becoming trapped by self-pity is to do your service as if you're doing it unto the Lord. That's easier said than done though.
Thank you for sharing.
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