Another Weekend, Same Memories

I stayed in?
Yes, I stayed in. I remember now.

I read that book about how to take control of your life in seven easy steps.

I watched that television show about that boy and that girl, about botched second chances, failed resolutions, and the car crash of impulse over prudence.

I spoke to my friend on the phone, wondering where I would get my new pin-striped suit altered while she droned on and on about complications in her life that she created for herself.


I went out?
Yes, I went out. I remember now.

I watched that movie about that family that didn't get along but then did.

I had that conversation with my friends about that time we did that thing we shouldn't have done, but so grateful that we did do, when we were younger.

I had that drink that made me feel good or maybe that was the one that I had before the one I knew should have been my last but wasn't because by that point I wasn't quite sure anymore.


I don't quite remember, but I'm quite certain I died a little.


Sometimes, none of it makes sense and none of it seems to matter much. Is it better to not ask the questions that loom larger than life - rather, enjoy all that the moments afford by accepting the answers of those who say they have already figured it all out - or is it better to venture into the depths of one's own soul, uncertain if you will then be able to find the way out? I can't think of a better way to make clear what I mean, so here's the analogy that comes to mind most readily: In The Matrix, Morpheus offers Neo a choice, the blue pill or the red bill. The blue pill returns Neo to his comfortable, but artificial, life within the matrix. The red pill offers him the truth, a reality which he has always felt, no matter how much he would rather it not exist: a harsh world on the periphary of all that he senses, but also one in which it is his destiny to redeem.

Maybe to live life completely requires looking into our own grim reality and then determining to fight through the paralyzing fear of what it would mean to know that truth and then be unable to do anything about it.