Pissed, Part II

Here's the second installment in the series of things I've been thinking about recently that have been pissing me off:

2) What is the deal with hooking up with random people in the hopes of finding a meaningful relationship?

I've been noticing this more and more recently, I feel like. Men, and even women in this liberated day and age, will date a few people simultaneously and then figure out that none of them is "right". Of course not! Dating isn't simply trial and error, where if you create a large enough pool to sample from, you're bound to find one person who is perfect for you. That's like training for a marathon by doing sprints. It just doesn't work.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with being excited about meeting new people of the opposite gender, especially when you're single. I just don't think a lot of people maintain the distinction between "friend" and "more than a friend" very well. As you get to know a lot of people, you'll find that there are things about most people that are endearing to you. Often, you will find yourself attracted to someone you've just met. Now, you can do one of two things:

I) You can "date" them. If it works out and all is good, kudos to you. You've overcome some serious statistics that say it shouldn't have worked out so smoothly. You've just pulled off the equivalent of picking an inside number on a roulette table after you bet your life savings on that outcome.

II) You can take your time and get to know the person as a friend. When I say "as a friend", this means no hooking up right away. Boundaries need to be in place to date responsibly. Physical intimacy, I think especially for a woman, creates a false sense of intimacy right away. Why be intimate with someone, lead them on in essence, if you don't even really know the person? How can you give yourself to someone physically, then soon after realize that's the only intimacy you're comfortable giving them, break their heart, and then go out and repeat that cycle with the expectation that next time will be different? Or vice versa, have your heart broken, and then expect for it all to work out the next time with the next person?

Benjamin Franklin said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Don't get me wrong. I've done my fair share of adhering to the cyclical pattern of getting into relationships quickly and getting out just as quickly. My question to all of us is: When will we start changing our approach to dating, so that we only get involved with people after we see some real potential, not just after we're turned on?

Maybe I've been fortunate recently, to have met people who have taught me what it means to date responsibly. They're the kind of people who are outgoing and fun when you first meet them, maintain boundaries as you become friends, and then determine after you've gotten to know each other if it makes sense for you to start a romantic relationship. I mean, if everyone was like that, wouldn't we be more trusting with our hearts? Wouldn't that then allow us to have fewer, but more meaningful, relationships?